I wanted to write this because we have had Kailyn for five full weeks now-three weeks at home, and they have felt like nothing short of a whirlwind (but a good one:) August 10-land at Birmingham airport after being awake for @ 42 hours, recover from jet lag until August 15, then on August 19 start the boys at two new schools for both of them! Saturday August 24, mom, dad and Kailyn finally sleep through the night!! whew! And now we pretty much have a nice daily routine that works for everyone. We want to continually thank everyone who have prayed and supported us through this process-we could not have made it so far without you!! But there is still work to do and I wanted to answer many various questions that we are getting about when we will be getting out more...when family will be able to stay at our house overnight, gracious offers to babysit...when I will try and get back to church...etc. And really, the answer is...whenever we feel like Kailyn is ready, we will step out slowly, a little at a time.
Kailyn is doing fantastic in her adjustment to our family in home. We could not be more thankful for her progress and we thank all of you for your prayers for her and also for respecting the requests that we've made for limited interaction with you all right now. It is a strange request I know-and until Andrew and I began this adoption process, the needs of internationally adopted children were a foreign and completely unheard of subject. So this is the scenario that even I find that I have to remind myself of:
March 4, 2012 Kailyn was born. She was carried safely and securely in the womb by a mother where Kailyn was able to hear her mother's voice, just like our biologicals heard our voice. She likely stayed with that mom for 2 days after birth.
March 6, 2012 Kailyn was abandoned at the gate of her orphanage. Mother vanished. Never to be seen or heard by Kailyn's little ears again.
March 6, 2012 Kailyn was taken into orphanage care for one month. All new caregivers. New surroundings, new voiced, new bed, new food new routine.
One month later-Kailyn was put into foster care. Orphanage caregivers vanished. New surroundings, new voices, new bed, new food, new routine, new caregiver.
16 months pass...
5 WEEKS AGO - July 28, 2013 Orphanage administration comes to the door where Kailyn is staying in the rural town. They take her from her caregiver, put her in a strange vehicle (she has likely never ridden in a van before) ride for 2 hours. They take her to a hotel in another city where they take her up to a hotel room, and hand her over to a strange new family. Foster caregiver vanished forever. New surroundings, new voices, new bed, new food, new routine, new caregiver.
August 10, 2012 Family flies into Birmingham Airport where Kailyn now becomes a US citizen. China and its familiar culture and language-vanished forever.
So although Kailyn is doing well -she has been through a lot!!! What I just described would be stressful for an adulte-much less a 17 month old.
We also still have lot of work to do in developing secure attachment with us, and there are obvious signs that show up in different situations. We have work to do at home in helping her to adjust to some specific family life routines. We are thankful to have an outstanding social worker and family therapist, staff at International Adoption clinic who are helping to guide our steps as we walk through this period of transition with Kailyn.
The most specific thing I would ask of you all (weird I know) -when we see you is that if Kailyn does try to interact with you-by giving you a big smile, peek a boo, handing you an object, trying to share a cheerio or cookie with you, the best possible thing you can do for her is to not reciprocate. And obviously, she doesn't need to be held by anyone else but mom and dad right now. It is totally fine to say hello to her, and most of the time Kailyn's initial reaction to friends and strangers is clinginess to me -which is great by the way! But if I show warmness to you, then Kailyn tends to want to ensure her acceptance by you as well. And that shows insecurity in her relationship with mom and dad. We have to remember-WE know that her new situation is permanent. But it may be a while before she is able to understand that. As far as she knows, we could put her in our van at any day, and deliver her to a new family. Why not? It happened before? Also, the ONLY adult relationships she has ever had before now is caregiver. So each one of you are all a potential new caregiver in her eyes. We are working to help her distinguish mommy and daddy relationship from friends. We thank those of you who we've explained this too and have already shown respect to our wishes.
Oh- then throw an upcoming surgery in for October-so she's got even more stress coming. Bless our sweet baby.
Amy
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