Reflecting Back….and Looking Ahead

In looking back on this year and what all has taken place, it is really amazing to see how God has been working in our lives and all around us. Many times we wonder, “am I really doing what God wants me to do?” This leads to an even deeper question, “is it possible to have full assurance that I am in God’s will for my life and if so, how?” Honestly, I believe many of us struggle with this question and a lot of times are not sure of the answer. Those questions in mind, I will share one particular passage that addresses this directly.

2 Peter 1:5-10 says the following:

“For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, mutual affection; and to mutual affection, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. But whoever does not have them is nearsighted and blind, forgetting that they have been cleansed from their past sins. Therefore, my brothers and sisters, make every effort to confirm your calling and election (interesting choice of words!). For if you do these things, you will never stumble, and you will receive a rich welcome into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.”

This passage tells us how not only to “make our calling and election sure” (meaning salvation), but also how to ensure we are in God’s will. We must pay CAREFUL attention to WHAT we use to measure whether we are following God or not. It is important to note that he says NOTHING about looking at what we are DOING to measure this! It does not say to look at where we are spending our money or our time! This is a BIG false teaching today that says to look at our checkbook to see where our heart is (study 1 Cor 13:1-3 to see)! So, how does he say we can know know? By looking at WHO WE ARE BECOMING! First of all, all of the “things” to add are character qualities: “faith”, “goodness”, etc. Further, the phrase,  “if you possess these qualities increasing in measure” is a key phrase in this passage. It is telling us a very important measure here! The key question to answer, “can we look back over the year and see WHO WE WERE and compare that person to WHO WE ARE and see our hearts desires and character qualities becoming more like Christ?” Have these Christ-like character qualities grown more in our hearts that they were before? For example, do we love His Word more? Do we enjoy following Him more? If so, then we can “make our calling and election sure”! If we are more like Him, that can only be done by His Spirit’s work, which gives us assurance. If not, if we cannot see growth and change in our hearts, we have to ask some very tough questions!!!

So how does what we are doing play in? In other words, how can we be sure we are doing His will? Simple! Are the things we are doing growing our CHARACTER and the desires of our hearts more into the character/image of Christ? If we are not growing “in our knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ” (quoted 3 times in 1:1-14), meaning growing in our relationship with Him (because that will change who we are the more we see of Him), then we are NOT in His will. God does not send us to do things that will not result in deepening our relationship with Him!

All that said, as I look back on what GOD has been doing in my heart over this year, I have to say PRAISE GOD that He is so patient with such a sinful man! The more we have done to adopt Kailyn, the more I see of my selfishness, pride, materialism, desire for comfort over Gospel advancement, along with many other sinful qualities! BUT, I see how God is working to change me and how He has changed me! I do not want to be who I was! I still see that sinful man rising up from time to time and I don’t want that to happen! I want to be able to whole-heartedly say as Paul says, “What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ,” (Phil 3:8-9). I have come to truly see that if we really saw the “surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus”, then we would REALLY see how worthless, and vain the pursuit of houses, cars, careers, toys, pleasure, vacations, etc really are! Paul says it is all “garbage”. We would not have to make ourselves stop and dread it! We would gladly get rid of it all, because we too would believe it is “garbage”, if that is what it took to know Him! It would not be legalistic, but pursuing REAL JOY! That is where I want to be!

So, looking ahead, where do we go from here? Phil 3:12 – 14, “Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” The goal, TO KNOW GOD (John 17:3)! I want to know Him more! I don’t want to be satisfied in my relationship with Him! I want to “press on”, “straining”. This debunks the idea that one way to know if we are in His will is if “things fall into place”! Nowhere is that in the New Testament! Col 1:29, “To this end I strenuously contend with all the energy Christ so powerfully works in me.” I have to work and He will work! It is HARD WORK! But I truly believe it is worth it!

So how do we know what direction to go forward? Hebrews 12:1 – 2, “let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith.” Our role, AVOID SIN, RUN, PERSEVERE and LOOK to Christ! His role, SHOW US the way and provide the means to accomplish the goal! Again, growing in our relationship with Him is a part of the race! This approach takes faith because it is totally dependent on His leading, providence and guidance, not our own strength and ability! But He promises to clearly “mark out the race” for us to run.

With these verses and conclusions in mind, here are some key questions that give me great assurance that we are in His will:

• Is this adoption for Kailyn’s good? Absolutely!
• Is this adoption for MY good? Absolutely!
• Am I growing in my relationship because of this adoption? Absolutely!
• Will I continue to grow in my relationship because of this adoption? Absolutely!
• Will God get great glory through this adoption? I truly believe He will!

The real truth this whole year has shown me, I need her in my life just as much as she needs me in hers! One of the means God is using to “save me from this body of death” (Rm 7), is through HER LIFE! My prayer is “MAY IT BE SO”! May He continue His work in His time by His provision for His glory through our lives!

God Bless,

Andrew

Next Christmas

Just a short post today...I was listening to this song in the car this morning and it gets me every time.  You'll be blessed to listen as well...Kailyn, you'll be in a REAL home next Christmas...

May we never forget the reason for the season...we ourselves have been rescued...let us not forget those who still need to be....

Romans 5:8 But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Amy

What now? Thoughts of Kailyn...

I am writing this post the day after I mailed the dossier to final approvals at US Dept of State and the Chinese consulate.  I feel so relieved just not having the responsibility of those requirements and documentations hanging over my head at all times.  I also want to take a moment to say what a wonderful experience we've had with our adoption agency-Villa Hope.  It is a small agency, that almost no one has even heard of.  But when Andrew and I were ready to begin this process, small and personal were what we were after, and a warm, friendly service is what we have gotten.  As frustrating as the process can be at times, our social workers have always been prompt and courteous about returning phone calls and emails and making sure we have everything we need.  We also have a wonderful social worker who did our home study with us and who will be seeing us again once we have our little girl (Kailyn, by the way) for follow up visits.  She herself was adopted from S.Korea as an infant and now works to help other families in the adoption process.

As far as the next step-we learned that technically, Andrew and I could actually begin the selection process at the end of this month.  However, once you accept a child, China requires that you finish the process within six months (that means have picked up the child and everything final.)  This would be wonderful if it were only Andrew and I to think of.  But if we were to accept a referral in October, we may possibly be traveling to get her in April-only weeks before school lets out.  The issue with this is that from all of our studies-not to mention highly encouraged by the social workers-what is best for a newly internationally adopted child is that you become somewhat of a hermit with the child for a minimum of one month-and most likely several months after.   This is because most, if not all children who've spent much time in institutional life like an orphanage are going to have attachment/bonding issues.  Children who've lived in an orphanage for more than a few months have learned that they must be indiscriminate in their attachments-because of the large number of children that must be cared for by so few caregivers and the rotation of caregivers in their lives.  They must be willing to receive care from  whom ever in their life who will give it.   In addition, children will have to learn to bond to a set of parents.  Bonding may be something a child living within an orphanage has NEVER experienced.   Aside from any medical needs that the child will have when she gets here, attachment is the first and foremost priority in her adjustment to a new life with us.   There is a chance that we could get a child whose been in a foster home, and if so, the chances of her having developed a bond with the foster parent is greater.  That would also be hard for Kailyn as well, having those memories, but she will likely be able to develop attachment to us much easier.

So all that explanation to say- we will likely not begin looking at referrals until January or February-so that our travel time will likely fall around July 2013 or after.  That way, I will be free with the boys to do all the things we normally do this summer-pools, parks, zoo, McWayne, playmates- and then pick up our little girl, send the boys to school, and have lots of one on one bonding time with Kailyn.

As I started to see the light at the end of the paperwork tunnel I have been amazed at how my emotions have strengthened.   We already think of Kailyn as our daughter and anxiously wait for the day we meet her.    Adopting through China's special needs program, we can be fairly certain of the time frame that we will see our daughter.  I honestly cannot imagine being one of those parents who are waiting indefinitely for adoptions in other countries who don't have everything so nicely laid out as China.  I would think it would be utter misery to not know when/if your turn was coming soon.

I want to leave you with a song that I LOVE!  And truly, this pretty much sums up the way I feel today!

Amy

So why does it take so long?

This blog post is to answer the question Andrew and I have gotten over and over again about international adoption, "Why does it take so long?"    If you are like we were, we really just had no idea what goes into the international adoption process, so hopefully this will give an idea to any of you who may be considering.  In our case, we have had a few weeks here and there where things the process could have moved a little faster (at least as far as the paperwork end of it goes)  if it weren't for some things that came up that needed our immediate attention.  And then we've had several notaries use wrong dates, counties put wrong dates, or mark things out, which is not acceptable.  No white out allowed.  But that's just part of it.

Now we are finally getting to the point where our minds can actually start to dwell a little more heavily on the reality that in a few months (ideally Summer 2013) we will bring home our little girl.  Up till now, I personally have felt reminded of my days working in public accounting -where some of the paperwork, while required, seems excessive and even redundant, and every "i" must be dotted and every "t" crossed.   Very soon, we will be sending this over whelming package of work to the Chinese Consulate.  And I hope not to see another form after that for a while.  

So anyway, from when we started in January to where we are now-almost ready for our Dossier to be sent to the Chinese consulate-this has been our process.

Initial Application with our Agency-Villa Hope

Fingerprinting at local police station/background checks with Alabama Department of Human Resources 

First package:  Requirements for Formal application to Adopt in Alabama-Also Requirements in order to be assigned social worker for Home Study

1.  Personal Financial Statement
2.  Copy of 3 most recent 1040 Federal Tax Forms
3.  Medical Reports (required for parents and children-i.e. physicals)  
4.  Pet Vaccination Record (so that meant for us catching up on those minor vaccines so that we could     turn in our updated pet vaccine record)  
5.  Statement of Motivation
6.  Our Child Statement
7.  Employer Letter-notarized
8.  Photographs of family, front and back of home
9.  Proof of health insurance, and insurance for adopted child
10.  Guardianship letter-notarized (friends who've agreed to act care for the child in the even of parent's  death)
11.  Conviction statement
12.  Identification verification
13.  Copies of Birth certificates, marriage license, etc.
14.  Reference letters-Notarized for each reference-4 personal reference letters, plus Joseph and David's teachers
15.  Autobiography of each spouse (that was fun:) Ours were 4 pages each.
16.  Other forms requiring signature for agreements/compliance with requirements/regulations.
17.  Adoption Learning Partners Online courses (3 courses -1 of these being 19 chapters) 
18. Attend UAB Adoption Clinic (1 Saturday) 

Home Study:  China requires 4  face to face interviews with Social worker
For us, we were able to count our first visit to the Adoption agency since we met and talked with a social worker.  The other 3 meetings were done in our home and lasted approximately 2.5 hours each.

Dossier: All of these documents must be less than 6 months old when they reach the Chinese Consulate.  All documents must be Certified (state official documents), or Notarized-All notaries must then be certified by the county commissioned.   All documents must be Authenticated by the State of origin.   Then we'll use a courier to get these approved by the Chinese consulate, THEN THEY'LL BE SENT TO CHINA! 

Clearance with US Dept of Homeland Security this took about 4-6 weeks from start to finish and included another set of fingerprints. 
Certified Marriage Certificate (NOT MARRIAGE LICENSE!  Didn't know we didn't have one till now) (MS)   
Certified Birth Certificates (MS & TN) 
The documents below sent to AL Sec of State- currently  
Medical Exams (Again-no insurance didn't pay for the second physical or the blood work with this one) 
Certificate of Profession (Again, must obtain from employer)
Certificate of No Occupation (for me)
Financial statement (updated)
Adoption Application
Police Background Check (so we've cleared AL, cleared US Department of Homeland Security-but lets just check with the county to be sure...)
Homestudy (have notarized and authenticated)
Photographs (home inside and out, child's room, family, passport pictures of each spouse $$,)
Copies of passports for traveling parents

After we approved by the Chinese Consulate, we will then begin looking at referrals for available children.  We'll have 72 hours to have what information we have about the child reviewed at UAB international clinic, and then accept or reject that referral.  If we do not accept a referral, then we will not be able to consider that child again.  After we accept the child, then I am not sure what has to happen, but I know that we will begin making the travel plans very soon.

So for now, we are just trying to get all of this finalized and sent off!  We are starting on room arrangements/painting, and before long, need to apply for the boys' passports.  

I hope this post is helpful to some.  And hopefully it will explain why people going through this process may seem to be overwhelmed at times, considering that most of us already have full lives, and staying on top of this has seemed like an extra part time job over the past few months.  But we know it is going to be well worth the effort when we finally get to bring home our daughter!!!

Amy

Testing...

Praise be to the Lord that so far the adoption process is moving along very nicely, and hopefully we will have our dossier on its way to China in a couple of months.   But I also wanted to share how the Lord is using the process to remind us that the plans for our lives are not our own.  Since we have begun this process last January, we have had numerous issues pop up outside of the adoption that have dealt/are dealing with.  Some have been random episodes of medical issues (nothing serious thankfully), others have weighed more heavily on our minds in planning for long term care of extended family members.  Just a few of these include an emergency room visit, expensive dental costs, developing plantar fasciitis in my left foot, working to help my parents prepare for a less burdensome retirement, and home projects to prepare for the welcoming of our daughter into our home.  Along with many of these incidences, we've often felt as if the finances we've set aside for this adoption has been attacked.   I wanted to share this, because honestly, the Lord has shown me personally that often times I have allowed anxiety to become my way of coping with pressure, rather than "casting all of my anxiety on him" 1 Peter 5:7.  He's shown me that I still have hung on to my own strength and abilities, even when I thought that I was depending on Him.  Anyway,  He has opened my eyes to this, and now I am thankful for His testing.  For we know that "when he has tested me, I shall come forth as gold."  Job 23:10  

Hebrews 12:5-7

And have you completely forgotten this word of encouragement that addresses you as a father addresses his son? It says,

“My son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline,

   and do not lose heart when he rebukes you,  because the Lord disciplines the one he loves,    and he chastens everyone he accepts as his son.”

 Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as his children. For what children are not disciplined by their father? 

2 Corithians 4:7-11

But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us.  We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed,but not in despair;  persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body.  For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that his life may also be revealed in our mortal body. 

Amy