What now? Thoughts of Kailyn...

I am writing this post the day after I mailed the dossier to final approvals at US Dept of State and the Chinese consulate.  I feel so relieved just not having the responsibility of those requirements and documentations hanging over my head at all times.  I also want to take a moment to say what a wonderful experience we've had with our adoption agency-Villa Hope.  It is a small agency, that almost no one has even heard of.  But when Andrew and I were ready to begin this process, small and personal were what we were after, and a warm, friendly service is what we have gotten.  As frustrating as the process can be at times, our social workers have always been prompt and courteous about returning phone calls and emails and making sure we have everything we need.  We also have a wonderful social worker who did our home study with us and who will be seeing us again once we have our little girl (Kailyn, by the way) for follow up visits.  She herself was adopted from S.Korea as an infant and now works to help other families in the adoption process.

As far as the next step-we learned that technically, Andrew and I could actually begin the selection process at the end of this month.  However, once you accept a child, China requires that you finish the process within six months (that means have picked up the child and everything final.)  This would be wonderful if it were only Andrew and I to think of.  But if we were to accept a referral in October, we may possibly be traveling to get her in April-only weeks before school lets out.  The issue with this is that from all of our studies-not to mention highly encouraged by the social workers-what is best for a newly internationally adopted child is that you become somewhat of a hermit with the child for a minimum of one month-and most likely several months after.   This is because most, if not all children who've spent much time in institutional life like an orphanage are going to have attachment/bonding issues.  Children who've lived in an orphanage for more than a few months have learned that they must be indiscriminate in their attachments-because of the large number of children that must be cared for by so few caregivers and the rotation of caregivers in their lives.  They must be willing to receive care from  whom ever in their life who will give it.   In addition, children will have to learn to bond to a set of parents.  Bonding may be something a child living within an orphanage has NEVER experienced.   Aside from any medical needs that the child will have when she gets here, attachment is the first and foremost priority in her adjustment to a new life with us.   There is a chance that we could get a child whose been in a foster home, and if so, the chances of her having developed a bond with the foster parent is greater.  That would also be hard for Kailyn as well, having those memories, but she will likely be able to develop attachment to us much easier.

So all that explanation to say- we will likely not begin looking at referrals until January or February-so that our travel time will likely fall around July 2013 or after.  That way, I will be free with the boys to do all the things we normally do this summer-pools, parks, zoo, McWayne, playmates- and then pick up our little girl, send the boys to school, and have lots of one on one bonding time with Kailyn.

As I started to see the light at the end of the paperwork tunnel I have been amazed at how my emotions have strengthened.   We already think of Kailyn as our daughter and anxiously wait for the day we meet her.    Adopting through China's special needs program, we can be fairly certain of the time frame that we will see our daughter.  I honestly cannot imagine being one of those parents who are waiting indefinitely for adoptions in other countries who don't have everything so nicely laid out as China.  I would think it would be utter misery to not know when/if your turn was coming soon.

I want to leave you with a song that I LOVE!  And truly, this pretty much sums up the way I feel today!

Amy