If I had to sum it up in a few phrases, these would probably be among the top things that enter my mind:
Adjustment. OVERWHELMING in the first months.
Draining in several ways (not just from the adjustment-extended family issues, sending my middle baby to kindergarten, oldest son taking a step up to 3rd grade (and yes, at least I know that my hometown friends would say-it counts), friends moving away, pulling out of many of our normal activities for Kailyn's adjustment etc...)
Appointments. Lots (at least in comparison to only knowing a world of 2 healthy children). Slowed down a bit now but still going...
Catch up for Kailyn in many areas. Lots of work at home on these.
God's plan for us is to reveal MORE of Himself to us. Volumes.
Joy.
In reality, to do any justice to give a glimpse of the past year, I would really need to write a book. But since I only can find minutes, I'll just share a little of how far Kailyn has come in her adjustment, her development, and socially by God's grace.
If you read any of our posts prior to this one, you may remember a little bit about our adoption experience. Kailyn was brought to our hotel room by orphanage administration on July 28, 2013 where we met this little precious sweetheart for the very first time. She was calm, and showed little emotion. Poor baby was soaked in vomit (which we later had the pleasure to learn was NOT car sickness- but the stomach bug which got passed around to ALL of us except for Joseph, lucky guy:) and wearing a little yellow dress with a taffeta skirt, and the most awful blue and green spongebob sandals. This little bit was 17 months old and weighed 17 pounds! But boy did she love some butter cookies and ice cream once they were introduced. Food was an issue just as we had been told it would, for the two weeks in China, Kailyn put away more food than my boys combined, and food ALWAYS had to be in hand or in sight, even during the night and she had to sleep with the snack trap. Kailyn seemed very comfortable with our family for the two weeks in China. She enjoyed the boys, LOVED going places, and was clingy to me and had to be no more than a couple feet away at the most. But it was also there that we saw the first glimpses of indiscriminate affection, control behaviors, and certainly a lack of discipline (as I got to witness her first throw down fit in the Nanchang Walmart when she didn't get her way:) Anyway, as I am sitting here writing, the details of the first weeks with Kailyn are as fresh as if it were still last summer. So to keep myself from writing that book-I'll just name what I felt were the hardest parts to deal with in her adjustment period home, which for us, was the most intense only during the first 3 or 4 months. Not that every moment was miserable by any means, there were plenty of beautiful and sweet moments with Kailyn during our adjustment period, but I want to include these, not only for those who may be considering adoption, but also for those of you who know Kailyn now-and know that what I am about to describe to you is anything but the child that she is now! Praise be to God!
So here goes. When we brought her home, gorging subsided quickly, but now she begins another form of control (which we only learned recently) of holding food in her mouth for long periods of time. Also "asking" for food or drink, then pushing it away when offered, repeating this over and over again fussing with each "decision." And she still throws that one on us at times a year later. Then there was jealousy of her siblings. Talk about difficulty helping with homework. She had to be on me with 150% attention at all times or else she was doing "no-no's." And the girl had learned what the word "no" meant by day number 2 that we had her in China! This was extremely hard for me as I had also given my little David up to kindergarten (ok but we did have an outstanding year!), and his first week was tough to the point of tears for him. Kailyn did not allow me to console him willingly. Then there was still the issue of indiscriminate affection. This issue is extremely common among internationally adopted children and forces the necessity of hibernation, in order to form bonds and secure dependence on the adoptive family, and particularly the mother. This period is hard emotionally as a mom. I'll just say it. It is like the insecurities that are being displayed in your child toward your relationship are being thrown onto you as well. And this is where you have trust confidently that God's He is going to bring healing to the relationship and that it IS going to be GOOD! Easier said than done at times. (Let me just say-God showed me through this issue a snippet of what HIS jealousy for us might feel like, when we seek to find our joy in anything or anyone else except for Him (Exodus 20:5, 34:14, Deuteronomy 4:24, 5:9, 6:15) -maybe I'll share that testimony in a short post later). Then there was the issue of extreme exploration. EXTREME. When I tell you Kailyn was into everything-I mean that if there had been an electrical socket uncovered, she WOULD-not maybe-but definitely WOULD have had her fingers in it. If I stooped down to tie my show, her hands raced to get her little fingers in the mix with mine. If I went to empty the garbage, she was tugging at the drawstrings while I was trying to tie. And don't even get me started on what a magnet the potty was. I had a few people tell, me, "oh, that is just a toddler for you." NO. I have raised two toddlers already. It was not normal. And other adoptive parents will attest this behavior as well. But it is another trait common to adopted children who have not had much opportunity to explore. Toy play had to be taught. So on top of these you can add hyper-vigilence, particularly at night. Mom is sleeping in the room for several weeks home, waking every few hours like a new born to give security that mommy is there. Maybe or maybe not going back to sleep that night. Topple that with jet-lag that took a good two weeks to recover from, school starting one week after the return home, transitioning to two schools now instead of one in the early morning rush, hardly any time or energy left at all for some time alone in God's word and you've got one physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted mom and dad!
So the above was the starting point of our relationship with our beloved daughter:) Since then, by God's grace, and only by HIS grace and power, bonding and secure attachment has grown beautifully. Kailyn giggles and smiles along with our sons and enjoys playing with toys and other children as a 2 year old should. We are now free to allow her to enjoy our adult friends and older children, with no concerns for indiscriminate affections due to insecurity. The boys love her-adore her- complete with both priceless displays of affection and of course aggravation for her! And we enjoy her fully as our daughter. For us, we don't even really think of her as adopted. Though we know this, she may as well have been with us since her birth.
Medically, it has been a year of appointments. We've been catching up with immunizations, dealing with ear infections and bronchiolitis before her surgery, having allergic reactions to peanut butter and having that tested, having periodic checkups (these are several hours) with International Adoption Clinic, preparing reports and having post placement visits with our social worker, having vision checked, preparing for and having surgery (that was postponed twice!), HEALING, starting speech and occupational therapy and continuing both of these every month, doing our therapy daily and going to the dentist. WHEW! We'll start the school year with 5 appointments in August. Then, hopefully, things will slow drastically as far as Kailyn's appointments are concerned. I hope.
But- all of this has paid off in major ways. Her eating has improved, her mouth and tongue muscles are strengthening and her word attempts are becoming increasingly clearer. Sweet baby went from having to drink from her cleft bottle with a large hole in the nipple so that the milk would just pour right down her throat-to now being able to handle a crazy straw-which her speech and OT say is great for developing those mouth muscles!
So this is a glimpse of our year, as best as I can fit it on a post:) Its been a trying, exhausting, and amazing year. We are awed and thankful for the plans God has for us and for all of you that He has given to us to accompany us on this journey.
2 Thessalonians 1: 11-12 To this
end we always pray for you, that our God may make you worthy of his
calling and may fulfill every resolve for good and everywork of faith by his
power, so that the name of our Lord Jesus may be glorified in you,
and you in him, according to the grace of our God and the Lord Jesus Christ.
Kailyn's referral picture-9 months old!
Remembering that day...
A Park in Nanchang, the provincial city in her province.
Finally home : August -Our dog gets her new biggest fan!
September
October
November
December
January (Can you see the personality coming out?)
Right after surgery… February 3, 2014
Chinese New Year celebration! February 8, 2014
March 4-Kailyn turns 2!
April - Easter Sunday
May
June-family vacation
July-All accessorized and ready for a ride!
Amy
